You know when Silent Bob, aka Kevin Smith (Director of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks, Dogma and Red State) says this:

In 9 days… THE DARK KNIGHT RISES! Jesus: Please let me live that long! Prepare ye the way of the Bat with some chat: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/fat…

— KevinSmith (@ThatKevinSmith) July 11, 2012

A movie is going to be good.

But It’s 2012, right?

Google has been in business for like ever.

Here’s a quick history lesson for the day:

History of Google – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Google began in March 1996 as a research project by Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Ph.D. students at Stanford[1] working on the Stanford Digital Library Project (SDLP). The SDLP’s goal was “to develop the enabling technologies for a single, integrated and universal digital library.” and was funded through the National Science Foundation among other federal agencies.

So why is it that when you have the most anticipated movie ever that you just ignore Google?

Why Batman? Why?

Maybe you’ve never heard of Google? That’s possible.

If that’s the case, you really should check it out:

Google – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Google has been estimated to run over one million servers in data centers around the world, and process over one billion search requests and about twenty-four petabytes of user-generated data every day.

I don’t know what a petabyte is but I do know they made almost $38 billion in 2011.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret… most of that money came from those little text ads that you swear you never click on.

Roughly about 85% of the money Google makes comes from AdWords.

In case you don’t know, Google only makes it’s money when someone clicks on the AdWords ad.

So, you see, someone is clicking on the ads. We estimate that it’s roughly 30% of the traffic that comes to Google that clicks on AdWords ads.

So why the hell does my search results page for the word “Batman” 7 days before one of the most anticipated super hero movies ever look like this:

The main website is nowhere to be found “above the fold”.

Here’s a screen capture of my entire first page of results for the word Batman:

Ya know… I’ve spent 13 years yelling, writing, trying to get people excited about the most amazing shift in media in the history of humanity. I’ve really tried.

But when I see this kind of thing, Batman, it makes me realize I have so far to go.

Please Batman! Buy the word Batman in AdWords today!

Here’s the estimated traffic and cost per click that you’ll have to pay according to the Google Keyword Tool:

They say it’s going to cost you about $.60 per click for this traffic. But because you are the site everyone wants to see this week I wouldn’t be surprised if your cost per click is much less than that.

Oh… and here are some other phrases you might want to consider to rank for:

You are losing more traffic than you possibly can imagine by not being at the top of the search results pages.

Oh… and you are going to hate this, but everybody is calling your movie “Batman 3“. I know you hate that because you are nowhere on the first page of search results for that phrase.

Wikipedia and IMDB have figured it out and are in the top results for that phrase.

But think of this as an opportunity. If you would buy these phrases:

batman 3 trailer
batman 3 villains
batman 3 movie
batman movies
batman villains
batman 3 rumors
batman 3 news
batman 3 wiki

You would never have to say the words Batman 3. You could just let people know that you are The Dark Knight Rises official site.

And here’s an idea that ‘s maybe a little advanced but you might like it for the 5 people that haven’t heard that The Batman will be Rising in 7 days, you could buy some general phrases like these:

new movies
new movie releases
new movie
movies new releases
new movie trailers

They actually get a ton of traffic.

So please Batman! Save my Google search results and get your ass to the top of the listings today!

I know it’s a small gift, but I’ve linked the hell out of this article to your site. Search engine optimization is an entire other huge beast that we should talk about some day. But just so you know, Google loves when people link to you. (They also love actual text content, for the record.)

I love you Batman. That’s why I was a little hard on you. You are the greatest superhero the world has ever seen. You are the super hero we deserve. I want to be the SEM guy you deserve.

So buy some frickin’ search results adWords ads today.